(The setting is the Orreaga Albergue, nestled in the Pyrennees mountains. Three extremely healthy, tanned and white-toothed men see each other from across the outdoor seating area)

Jean-Sean McCorker, is that you?

Sean-Jean duCrackois! As I live and breathe,

John-Ohmigawd, Sean and Jean, you remember your old American buddy, John Cracker, I hope!

Jean-Alors! How could one forget the most American man in all the Americas!

John-Oh, that’s easy. You forget that by using tons of fentynal and Ozempic. Here, have some!

(JOHN pulls out a huge sack, from which he tosses handfuls of pills and Ozempic syringes at everyone in the area)

Jean-Ah, it will be good to sit and talk with others who truly know the wonder, the glory, the spiritual magnificence of the Camino De Santiago.

Sean-Ah, ’tis a true thing you do say. So few people who walk the Camino really get to know it like we do.

John-You know pal, you hit the nail on the head there. Knowing the Camino, respecting the Camino, being true to it’s Heritage, that’s what it’s all about.

Sean-I can’t believe there are people out there who just do it once.

John-You read my mind, pal! The Camino is like beer, why have just one? So you’re walking the Camino Frances one more time, eh Sean?

Sean-Indeed, indeed I am. It will be my, oh, seventh time I’ve walked the Camino De Santiago.

Jean-Nine for me.

John-Not bad, not bad, this will my twenty-eighth time walking the ole’ Camino.

Sean-Of course the last time I walked it I set the new speed record for completing the Camino Frances.

John-Really? My fastest is 28 days.

Jean-18 days for me.

Sean-Not bad, not bad, I did it it 7.

John-Well, that was on the Camino France, of course. Walking the Camino del Norte was more rewarding.

Jean-I preferred the Camino le Puy, but the Camino De Portugese Central is also a wonderful route.

Sean-I’d say it’s the Camino De La Plata for food, The Camino de Primitiveo for the natural environment, the Camino diFrancesco for the best albergues, camino Camino Morzarebe for a truly, authentic, natural, real understanding of the Camino De Santiago.

John-But you have to admit, when you walk the Camino Frances route all the way from Paris, now, that’s a real Trek.

Jean-Ah, Paree. Oui, naturally, this is a good stretch of the legs. But I found that the Camino route which begins in Istanbul to be a real test of a man.

Sean-Istanbul?

Jean-Yes, the Camino Istanbul.

Sean-I’ll have to try that out after I recooperate from walking the Camino Hong Kong. Twice.

John-Not bad, not bad. Of course to truly know the Camino, you should do it naturally, in the old way.

Sean-I couldn’t agree more. That’s why on my last Camino I went without walking poles and just used a stick I found in someone’s yard.

Jean-You don’t say? I also tossed the poles but I used a wooden spoon someone left in a Hostel’s kitchen.

John-Me? Fifteen pieces of dry spaghetti. Man, you really get to know the Camino when you walk it with just fifteen pieces of dry spaghetti in your hands. . . and no hiking shoes, just plain old cheap sneakers.

Jean-I just had slippers.

Sean-I had no shoes at all, just two banana peels duct taped to my feet. You reallllly get to know the Camino when you walk it with two banana peels duct taped to your feet.

John-Oh Hey, speaking of long bouts of obvious and avoidable suffering, did you catch the re-release of Martin Sheen’s the The Way?

Sean-Are you kidding? I took my whole family to see it ten times….of course they’re not talking to me anymore.

Jean-Alors! Such a movie! I think is it not just a film, but a guide about how to truly appreciate the Camino! It is hard to believe that some people don’t like the movie.

John-Pfft. Any guy who doesn’t like ‘The Way’ is an asshole in my book. And my book has one page, and that page says “The Way”.

Sean-’tis a true thing you do say, John. You realllly get to know the Camino after watching one movie about it fifteen times.

John-Have you seen the other movies about the Camino?

Jean-Which one?

John-The one about a wealthy ethnically Western European person who starts the Camino with doubts but has his mind opened to the spiritual beauty of the Camino.

(The other two men are silent)

Sean-Can you be more specific?

John-How about the one where the lead character travels with a just-hot-enough blonde and a couple people with funny accents who help him see the truth.

(the other two men are silent)

Jean-Can you be more specific?

John-Its the one that ignores the History of crimes of the Catholic Church and the fascist government it aggressively supported.

(The other two men are silent)

Jean-Can you be more specific?

John. No.

Sean-Well, enough chatting, we should hit the trail. Do you two think you can keep up with me this time?

John-Hey, just watch us! Let’s get our Camino on!

Jean-Pardon, my friends, but that building up there, do you recognize it?

Sean-A building? Why are we wasting time looking at things? We have a Camino to finish!

John-Hold on, maybe they have some tasty Pilgrim meals to dish out!

Jean-I’m not paying more than 6 Euroes, no matter how good the bolognese.

John-Hm. The sign on the building says “Church”.

Sean-Oh, those places have the worst pilgrims meals. A tiny piece of stale bread and a thimble full of wine. I avoid them.

John-Phew, that was a close one. We’d better walk faster, or we might start seeing even more buildings!

Jean-We cannot have that! Let us walk at Camino Hero Speed!

Sean-Faster and Faster, my friends! The faster we go, the more Camino we get!

John-See? I knew you European guys would come around to the American way of thinking! If you go fast enough, you stay happy because reality can’t catch up with you!

ALL MEN-Long live the Heroes of The Camino!